Around four years ago, I realized that I needed to stop blaming others for my faults, and start making changes for myself. At first, I turned to self-help books, but honestly I hardly got a few chapters in before putting them aside. I then thought perhaps I should write a to-do list, almost like New Year’s resolutions, but that seemed too onerous (and honestly, who keeps NYE promises?). Finally, I decided to just start changing things one at a time. While I’m not finished yet, here are some changes that have made me happier so far. I hope to show you that it’s never too late to make some positive changes - and perhaps you’ll share your own experiences with others as well.

1. Quit Smoking

This was by far the most obvious one. I’d been a social smoker (for me, that meant any time I drank) since university - pour me a beer and a cigarette was never far behind. While I’d had occasional forays into lighting up at other times (including memorably in my office at that’s Shanghai - who allows smoking in the office anymore?), it never really gelled with me, so I just smoked with a beer, as some people do with coffee. One evening, likely a Friday, I just decided I’d had enough, and stopped. I don’t even think I finished the packet, it was just one of those moments when enough was enough. Since then, I haven’t been tempted, though I’ve avoided becoming a preachy type extolling the benefits of stopping. Every smoker has to come to their own decisions.

2. Don’t Drink on a School Night

For me now, this is a no-brainer, but it took me a long time to get there. Throughout my 20s, drinking every evening was the norm - usually at the local dive bar, but often much wilder nights. From Suzhou to Shanghai to Beijing the pattern continued. Then came a stint in Hong Kong where drinking out was expensive, so we drank at home instead (I remember the local ParknShop supermarket had a buy three, get one free deal on wine bottles). This then became the new norm for me, home drinking in Kuala Lumpur, Bangkok and Phuket, popping out to the nearest 7-Eleven for some cold ones. There’s only so many times you can get away with a hangover at work though, and eventually you start disappointing yourself. So I gave it up, and only drink on Friday nights and Saturdays now. Eventually, I would like to give it up altogether. (PS. ‘a school night’ means Sun-Thu evenings, when there’s school or work the next day).

3. Disengage from Social Media

Recently a colleague mentioned playing Wordle and I honestly had no idea what it was. Looking it up, I had a go and enjoyed the challenge - I imagine most wordsmiths do. The point is, I had never heard of it, but apparently it’s a huge craze. A few years back I decided that I just didn’t need to be looking at social media anymore. It just wasn't doing anything for me, apart from making me anxious checking on likes and views. I did consider deleting it altogether, but instead now use it as a messaging tool - either to stay in touch with people, or to connect with businesses (Facebook is huge in Cambodia, and Messenger essential if you want to communicate). It’s a halfway house that works for me - there’s none of the scrolling and anxiety that comes with.

4. Quit Coffee

For years I’d have at least two coffees a day (for years before that it was much more). One when I got up, usually with breakfast, and then another right after lunch. Living in Southeast Asia often meant that the latter was a sweet ice coffee (that frankly still sounds delicious to me), and together they gave me a nice buzz throughout the day. But one morning I went to brew a pot of coffee, and really didn’t feel like having one. I went the whole day that way, and then it soon became a week. I didn’t feel quite so reliant on the caffeine anymore, though I did have a period of mild headaches and thirst. Occasionally, I’d had heart palpitations, so those were no longer. They say that you should always listen to your body, and I think this was a case of me doing so.

5. Play Organized Sports

When I was a kid, I used to play football (soccer to North Americans) all the time. I was on the school team from probably the age of 8, and played right up to graduation. My favorite position was right back, mainly because I loved tackling, and also because I didn’t have the speed or skills to play further up. But then when I got to university, I stopped. In many ways, I think social drinking replaced social sports, an afternoon down the pub became much more attractive than an afternoon running around a field.

For almost 20 years I essentially gave up playing sport, but then, moving to Cambodia, I decided it was time to start back up again. I formed a social team, and started playing football weekly, discovering I really enjoyed the 90 minute 7-aside games. One day, someone suggested entering a cricket team for a local tournament, and I signed up. Having never really played it in my life, I found myself chasing balls, knocking over wickets and even bowling (quite badly). We made the final. More recently, I started playing touch rugby (another sport I never tried before), and now love it. We also entered a tournament, but this time we won (we vowed not to drink until we were knocked out, a fact that most likely led to our victory as the other teams did not). I have rediscovered that sports are social, fun and great exercise. I’ve lost nearly 7kg.

6. Eat Less Meat

What I’d really like to say here is ‘eat no meat’, but I’m not quite there yet. I have gone through spells of being a vegetarian but it hasn't stuck yet (I’m pretty sure I’ll get there at some point though) Instead, I’ve cut down eating meat as much as possible while still allowing myself to have a cheat burger now and again (and often regretting it). I’m trying as much as possible though to eat only vegetables and seafood, and no chicken, beef or pork if I can. The result is I now feel much lighter, and my bowel movements more regular (sorry for sharing, but it’s true). Just like the smoking and coffee, I reached a point where my body was telling me it wasn’t liking it anymore.

7. Take Up Hobbies

I remember a friend in Hong Kong asking me in my early 30s what my hobbies were. I replied ‘swimming’, which she exclaimed was not a hobby but exercise. She was right. For many years after that I didn’t have any hobbies, but after moving to Cambodia (I think this really relates to the ‘no drinking on a school night’ rule), I bought a record player and started collecting vinyl - no mean feat in a country with one record shop! It’s now become a fun hobby, and I’ve built up a collection of a few hundred records, supplemented by purchases when I can travel overseas (such as a recent haul from Canada). I’ve started playing boardgames (though could do with being better at them), and most recently I bought a drone - my flying skills are improving by the week. There are really so many interesting things to do, if you just open yourself up to doing them.

8. Read Books

As a kid, I was a voracious reader, particularly fantasy. It started with The Chronicles of Narnia, which led me to Lord of the Rings. On a beach holiday in Hawaii, someone left behind a copy of a book called Dragonlance, which led me down a rabbit hole of a series, which now spans more than 150 books (I eventually lost interest after the excellent original novels by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman). For a time, it was WWII and spy novels (hello Jack Higgins), followed by the works of authors like Stephen King (It still gives me the chills), and Iain Banks (is there a better debut than The Wasp Factory?). And then, at some point, I just stopped reading books, though I still remained into magazines, particularly as I was editor of them for many years.

Sure, there were the occasional pickup reads - the evocative 1930s stories told in Shanghai by Harriet Sergeant were a big contributor in me later moving to that city, while Matterhorn by Karl Marlantes is a mind-blowing account of his experiences as a US marine in Vietnam. But they were few and far between. Nowadays though, I always have a few on the go, and for me there is something more rewarding about reading a book in the evenings, than swiping on my phone for the latest video.

9. Be Social

As a natural introvert I probably find this one the hardest, and it’s probably why I never found the Cambodian Covid restrictions too onerous (you want me to stay in my comfortable home, order in food, and relax with TV or a book? Sure, if you say so). But I encourage myself to go out on weekends to meet up with friends for lunches, attend farmers markets, or music concerts. When I was in my 20s, social activities were more alcohol-fueled, which meant I could use Dutch courage to combat my introvertedness. As my intake has lessened (see number two above), I have to actively want to go out, replacing drinks at the bar with lunch in a cafe. Sometimes it’s a real challenge to get out the door, but I convince myself through the honest enjoyment that comes with it.

10. Be Less Informed

This is probably controversial, but let me explain. I used to read online news, a lot. In particular I followed the Guardian, sometimes spending the whole day reading about everything of interest. After a few hours browsing, I’d find myself worrying about the latest tech dramas in Silicon Valley, flooding in eastern Canada, and the civil war in Yemen. It reached a point when it frankly became overwhelming, and I found myself wondering why I was saturating my brain with all this information. I do love facts (and geography, feel free to challenge me to a country flag test some day), but it was all too much. What I decided was I only really need to worry about things that affect me directly, which based on my current location just comes down to Cambodia. So now I only read the Khmer Times, which - while not the most engrossing read - does keep me up-to-date on what I actually need to know, such as government announcements that affect my day-to-day life. Of course, I accept this localized approach doesn’t work for everyone. As a bonus though, I now have free time to do things like write this.

Thanks for reading.

Ch-ch-changes.
Just gonna have to be a different man.

Tales of the Orient by Simon Ostheimer

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes