Life in Lockdown
The following is an article written by an individual in the ongoing Shanghai lockdown, sharing their thoughts, hopes and fears. To avoid reprisals, they remain anonymous
Xi Jinping is Shanghai’s Nero.
Watch him fiddle statistics and shift timelines while our lives go up in smoke.
In early March the Omicron variant started spreading through Shanghai, at first a few cases but steadily grew into a large number of daily cases that while they would be the envy of any Western country alarmed the central government in Beijing.
Unhappy with the progress the Shanghai government were making they ‘sent a team to help’ the local government, effectively usurping the Shanghai authorities. They introduced draconian measures culminating in a lockdown of the severest measures including shutting down all food supplies in the city and totally disrupting one of the richest and busiest cities its world.
Almost a month later their measures have totally failed, the most severe of which is to force all COVID positive patients into large scale makeshift camps even when it means separating therm from their children. As the deadline is continually pushed out we are told at the pinnacle of our already over exhausted expectations to ‘not falter now in this most important stage’ as if we are weak.
But we have heard this several times during the last month especially when things get harder and there is no light at the end of the tunnel, not even a dim glimmer of hope. This is en masse victim blaming and the longer it goes on the harder the central government’s attitude becomes.
Captive Psychology
Thankfully I’ve never been incarcerated but I have an inkling of what it feels like.
At first you are outraged at being confined and want to lash out. But you realise quickly you have no power or choice in the matter. You immediately detest the walls around you holding you in. But as greater fears surface of being punished (they will arrest you if you defy the new laws) the walls around you begin to feel almost protective and you fear being taken away from them.
And now the promise of being allowed into the grounds of the compound have become my goal. What would previously have defined captivity is now a new personal goal in freedom. My dreams have been reduced to the mundane and ordinary activities. Just to play with the kids in the yard is an uncertain dream to achieve one day. Your dreams become smaller and smaller but somehow remain your dreams.
Emasculation
At the early stages or the lockdown I was smart enough not to believe the government’s assurance that it would only last 4 days and stocked up on enough supplies for two weeks.
However as the first week ended it became clear that it was going to last considerably longer. All the supermarkets and delivery services (that Shanghai strongly relies on) were closed down. The only way to get food was through government donations (rotten vegetables and meat scraps) and community group buying of basic foods from warehouses.
But soon it became apparent that they could not deliver to us as most of our orders were cancelled. Their trucks were turned around at the Shanghai border for questionable reasons or often as not no explanation whatsoever. We began to ration our food.
How did I get here? I live in one of the richest cities in the world, I have a job, I own my own company and now I am worried that I cannot feed my children.
I stared eating less each day to make sure that the meat and vegetables would last as along as possible. I swallowed my pride and reached out to strangers online. They were very helpful and we got supplies back in our fridge within two days.
Things have improved a little and we’re almost, almost, guaranteed that our orders will eventually get to us. It might come tomorrow or a week later. But I never felt lower, more useless and helpless and less of a man than those days when I thought my children would go hungry. Even after this is over I know that this experience will have left its mark on me forever. I hope my daughters didn’t notice.
Russian Roulette
We take daily COIVD tests in the Shanghai lockdown, self testers we administrate ourselves, and several times a week the PCR test by tired and grumpy doctors. Even though I’ve taken all the recommended precautions, every time I take a test I feel the terror welling up in me if I am positive.
I’m not afraid of the disease, I’m vaccinated and healthy with no respiratory problems. But if I am positive they will take me away to one of their COVID recovery centres that resemble prison camps with crowded wards and unsanitary conditions. And even more terrified that they may take our kids away and put them in a centre on their own where we will have no contact with them.
Having this threat reloaded on a daily basis each morning is extremely wearing on the nerves. The constant testing makes it fell like they are doing all they can to find us positive and will keep trying until they do.
It’s a gun loaded with one bullet that you hold to your own temple each morning and pull the trigger while you pray for the sound of a hollow click.
I Am Livestock
We are frequently ordered to take tests early morning even before some of us normally wake up, or late at night after many of us have already gone to bed. Or randomly at very short notice with an urgent deadline.
Assaulted by these constant interruption proves there is no consideration that any of us are trying to organise a life within the already stressful confines of the lockdown - or is that the intention?
It’s a classic old school communist strategy to quell troublemakers. We are shouted at by strangers through megaphones as we are herded along temporarily erected barricades and streets of plastic ribbons to queue up and have cotton buds shoved down our throats, literally not metaphorically.
As we shuffle along while our clueless masters yell instruction at us we feel less and less human. Thoughts of civil rights or even human rights are vapour in the wind. Just surviving another day as negative is a win in my life now.
A Headless Chicken
Any attempt to bring attention to the myriad of contradictions in the behaviour and organisation by the ‘volunteers’ in charge of the testing and delivery of goods is met with bemused looks.
We are ordered not to leave our building as it is not safe, but rather than administer tests to us individually we are brought on in large groups to gather and wait for tests. Confused or obstreperous pensioners wander around shouting at the volunteers and completely ignore the recommended two meter social distancing regulations.
But there is no authority at the head of the queue to notice never mind correct the situation. Everyone is just following orders and no one dares take responsibility. You keep your head down and you do your job.
This is a microcosm motif for China at large. Responsibility is a genuinely horrifying concern in a dictatorship where punishments are severe and even life threatening.
Tears of Anger and Sadness
My seven year old daughter has always been proud to be Chinese and even slightly embarrassed that her dad is a foreigner, requesting me not to speak English when dropping her off at school in the morning.
She is old enough and smart enough to understand the situation here. I’ve had to explain what I think she can comprehend and console her as best I can. But twice since the lockdown begun she has been reduced to weeping horribly. A pain in my heart that I will carry forever.
She now says she wants to move to London and never come back to China.
Life in Lockdown
A touching story. Had some feedbacks for the write up, but I’d be happy to share them via mail.
I am a school guidance counsellor in Queensland, Australia who, just a couple of days ago, sat and listened to the traumatic experiences of a 13 year old female who has just fled the Ukraine. I bring the shock & horror of knowing some of her story to my reading of this. My heart breaks for this father & I had tears for his 7 year old.
At a time when we are educated in cultural awareness and cultural sensitivity, I simplify it all by remembering Mahatma Ghandi’s quote: “THE TRUE MEASURE OF ANY SOCIETY CAN BE FOUND IN HOW IT TREATS ITS MOST VULNERABLE MEMBERS”. I add, “And the vulnerable members of any society”.